By Jim Heffernan
Many of the bills I get in the mail include a sheet
describing what the company does with the personal information gathered over
the life of our business association.
Some people are uncomfortable with the sharing of personal
information accumulated by businesses and other organizations. My own reaction
is not so much discomfort as resignation. What can you do about it? Not much.
Most of these notices are lengthy and describe in detail why
they share, what they share and with whom this information is shared.
Here is an example of such a disclosure sheet:
Dear Valued Customer,
All financial companies need to share customers’ personal
information for the purpose of making oodles of money. We protect this
information to the extent that it is available only to parties whose vital
interests depend on such information or anyone who wants it, whichever comes
first.
We limit personal information sharing to clients’ home
addresses, e-mail addresses, Social Security numbers, height, weight, color of
hair and eyes, shoe size, bathing habits, TV watching preferences, religious
affiliations, educational attainment, dining proclivities, vehicle preferences
(car, truck, SUV, motorcycle, ATV, tractor, skateboard), and any and all other
information we choose, including blood pressure, exercise habits, bank account
numbers and investment accounts, not to exclude credit history, pets and voting
record.
Organizations receiving information on you may include, but
are not limited to, the MAFIA, ISIS, IRS, NAFTA, FBI, CIA, DPW, MNDOT, COPS,
ROBBERS, ADT, HOTLCOG, NEMDA, CBS, NBC, ABC, PBS, CSPAN DNT, AARP, DDT &
NRA, among others.
You have the right to challenge sharing of your personal
information by contacting us between the hours of midnight and 3 a.m. at South
Florida Cellar Enterprises, atten. “Blackie”, at 1-912-GO-PUNT. A telephone fee
of $1 per word applies. Mail inquiries to: Afghanistan Banana Man, 314 Taliban
Way, Kabul, 90210 and include your mother’s maiden name.
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