Saturday, August 3, 2024

Facts of life more than the birds and bees...

 Written by Jim Heffernan for the DuluthNewsTribune/8-3-24

 There comes a time in every family when certain things should be discussed with children who are showing signs of leaving childhood and entering adolescence.

 

These are highly sensitive times for parents, uncomfortable times for both parents and their kids, but every responsible parent must take on the job of making sure their offspring understand some of what used to be called certain “facts of life,” some of which change through the generations.

 

I’m way beyond those years as a parent, of course, but as I move through the world, I encounter so many things that should be discussed with today’s young people that I sense are not being talked about, who knows why?

 

So let’s outline a few here, hoping that today’s parents of not-so-young kids might appreciate the insights I have to offer as a registered geezer who has seen just about everything but heard less and less, although a hearing aid helps.

 

We’ll start with luggage. Yes, luggage. Were I talking to a young person today I would come right out and tell them: “Daughter (or son) there was a time when suitcases didn’t have wheels or pull-up handles to ease one’s way through airports or other places.”

 

How did people travel? (I knew that question would come up,)

 

They CARRIED their luggage, clinging to small handles affixed to the top of suitcases. Petite women, elderly people, everyone. If they were traveling anywhere and had a suitcase, they either carried it themselves or found someone else to help them.

 

I know it’s hard to imagine that such conditions once existed, but, trust me, they did. I once carried a big suitcase through huge Kennedy Airport in New York and survived, but just barely, And I was only about 30 years old.

 

I know a couple of generations — maybe more — have journeyed through life in America (also Europe and Asia but not Antarctica) without ever being told luggage once had no wheels. Well here it is.

 

Let’s move on to another aspect of the past that today’s youth has no recollection or understanding of: The Bell telephone and telephoning.

 

Brace yourself, kids. All telephones had wires sticking out of them connected to whatever building the user was in, most commonly the home. Most telephones consisted of two parts, the “receiver” and the part you held to your ear. A wire connected them, too. (All outdoor utility poles were once called “telephone poles” inspiring the accusation, “Liar, liar, pants on fire, nose as long as a telephone wire,” a reference to Pinocchio, until recently considered the greatest liar in history.) 

 

All you could do was talk on phones in those days. To call out of town, you had to connect with a long-distance operator and ask for help. Phones

couldn’t take and store snapshots or movies or show the faces of the person on the other end. Which brings us to cameras.

 

Incredibly, at one time in history, to take photographs you had to have a separate (from the telephone) instrument, a small portable device with a lens and viewfinder called a camera. Inside the camera you had to insert something called “film” which recorded the images you photographed. When the film ran out, it had to be taken to a processor to be what they called “developed” and printed on special paper. This cost money too.

 

I know this information is old hat to many readers who have been around awhile, but there are millions of younger Americans who are not aware of this history, or, if they are, never experienced it. Like when all nurses were women and they all wore white uniforms consisting of a starched dress and small white cap. Many wore a blue cape over their nursing uniform when outside the medical facility — capes of good hope.

 

Finally, of course, when enlightening young people, there’s the matter of what used to be known as the birds and the bees. That’s simple. Just tell them: “When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore.” 

 

Nature will take over from there. But be careful: Birds can leave a mess and bees sting.

 

Jim Heffernan is a former Duluth News Tribune news and opinion writer and continues as a columnist. He can be reached at jimheffernan@jimheffernan.org and maintains a blog at www.jimheffernan.org.